It is that bittersweet time of year when many young adults will be moving off to college. On one hand, it is a time for celebration, but on the other hand it can be difficult to say goodbye. In most circumstances, the goodbye is more of a “see ya later” as students often return home for holidays, keep in touch through social networking sites, or even visit one another. The circumstances are typically quite different for those of us saying goodbye within the context of a therapeutic relationship. This type of goodbye typically means the end of the relationship.
For many clients and therapists, saying goodbye to a long-term psychotherapy relationship can be a mixture of excitement for the next phase of a client’s journey and sadness to see the relationship end. Therefore, it is encouraged for clients to honestly discuss their feelings about the “termination” of the therapy relationship with their therapist as there is no right or wrong way to feel about the end of such an intimate relationship. In fact, clients often find themselves feeling a mixture of sadness, anxiety, and anger about the end of the psychotherapy relationship and it is important that these feelings are expressed.
Additionally, while the therapy relationship is one-sided in that the therapist’s main purpose is to listen, comfort, and guide the client, most therapists do form attachments to their clients and have mixed emotions themselves about seeing their clients move on to the next chapter of their lives.
Grieving the loss of a psychotherapy relationship is an important part of the therapy process. It can be even more important for individuals who are not used to saying goodbye on good terms. In this instance it is even more imperative for a client to discuss the end of the therapy relationship with their therapist or even their new therapist if they have one. Most therapists recognize that the transition from one therapist to another therapist is a difficult process for clients and therapists not only encourage, but expect, to process the transition with the client. Additionally, it is important for clients to recognize that therapists have different styles and that one style is not better than another; but rather, the key is knowing if a particular style works better for the client. However, keep in mind that differences between therapists often mean new perspectives on one’s journey through self-exploration, which can be quite helpful.
Though the end of therapy may be daunting at first, it may actually bring even more clarity and self-confidence when a client recognizes that they are capable of being on their own in the world. Finally, for all the clients out there, know that your presence in your therapist’s life was meaningful and that we therapists often joke that we learn more from our clients than our clients learn from us. We thank you for trusting us with your inner worlds and are grateful for the time we get to spend with you.
Mary Kathleen Hill, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist