How Managing Everything Can Affect Women’s Stress and Well-Being
Managing all the aspects of family life can affect women’s stress and well-being. Imagine… little Johnny is in a school play this morning, Sally’s got a consult at the orthodontist for braces, and your husband asked you to book his annual physical. Not to mention, the permission slip is due to school tomorrow, you forgot to sign up for the community potluck, and groceries are running low. None of these tasks in isolation is difficult or a large responsibility, but when you put them all together, they are always there and the load of them can become daunting. Physically and mentally carrying these responsibilities daily can make you feel tired, run down, spread thin, and burned out.
What Do We Mean When We Say Mental Load?
The term “mental load” refers to the ongoing cognitive and emotional work involved in managing the needs, responsibilities, and details of everyday life. It includes not only completing tasks, but remembering them, anticipating them, planning for them, and making sure they happen. It’s being a project manager for the entire household and sometimes extended family, work, and other organizations as well. When thinking about mental load, I picture my brain as a computer screen with dozens of windows open at all times with incomplete tasks or things that either I need to do or I may need to remind my family members to do.
If you have a child or spouse busy with school, work, and/or activities, they may rely on you for reminders and assistance in their daily tasks. In addition to addressing their needs, there is a physical load of motherhood, such as tending to the children, doing the laundry, cooking, shopping, and other house tasks. Add in engaging with your spouse in the evening and mentally creating a “to-do” list for the following day. These are just a few examples of how heavy the burden of carrying your family’s mental load may feel at times.
Why Does the Mental Load Affect Women So Strongly?
Being an emotional caregiver and the manager of household logistics involves both anticipating and tending to others’ needs. Add this to balancing your own work and family responsibilities and it’s no wonder women’s mental health is affected by this load. In addition, it is not always easy for women to prioritize their own needs. It’s not that children and spouses don’t each carry some of their own mental load, but there tends to be a societal expectation that women carry this burden.
Signs You May Be Carrying Too Much of the Mental Load
- You’re always thinking about what needs to get done.
- You have difficulty relaxing.
- You feel guilty when something doesn’t get done.
- You’re frequently overwhelmed by small things.
- You feel resentful that you’re carrying more than your share.
- You have trouble being present with your family.
- You feel guilty when you prioritize yourself.
- You constantly feel exhausted
How the Mental Load Can Affect Your Relationships
Carrying the mental load can affect more than your stress levels—it can affect your relationships, too. When you’re constantly thinking about what needs to happen next, it can be difficult to fully relax, be present, or feel emotionally connected to your loved ones. Over time, this can lead to irritability, resentment, exhaustion, and recurring conflicts about who is doing more. Sometimes, what looks like an argument about chores or schedules is really about feeling unsupported, unseen, or alone in carrying the responsibility.
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
Sometimes, even when couples recognize the imbalance, it can be difficult to change long-standing patterns on your own. Couples therapy can provide a supportive space to talk openly about the mental load, understand the patterns underneath conflict and resentment, and find more sustainable ways to share responsibilities and support one another. You don’t have to wait until your relationship is in crisis to seek help.
Individual women’s therapy can provide a space to step back from the demands of daily life and focus on your own needs, emotions, and well-being. Therapy can help you better understand sources of stress, set healthy boundaries, work through feelings of guilt or resentment, and develop strategies for managing the mental and emotional demands you’re carrying. It can also help you reconnect with yourself and identify what you need to feel more balanced and supported.
The mental load can feel like a never-ending list that follows you from one responsibility to the next, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed individually or experiencing tension in your relationships, therapy can provide a space to step back, understand what is contributing to your stress, and identify healthier ways to manage the demands you’re carrying. Asking for support isn’t another thing to add to your list—it can be a step toward feeling more balanced, connected, and present in your own life.
Stephanie Heese
Practice Manager | Graduate Student in Clinical Mental Health Counseling
About the Author:
Stephanie Heese is the Practice Manager at FamilyFirst Psychological Services, a mental health practice serving the Vienna, VA area, where she supports clinical operations and client care. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology with concentrations in clinical psychology and health psychology from George Mason University, where she graduated with honors. She is currently pursuing her master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Wake Forest University and is working toward becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC).
As she continues her clinical training, Stephanie’s areas of interest include anxiety, unhealthy relationship patterns, working with couples, women’s mental health, and life transitions such as parenthood, career and relationship changes, and empty nesting. She is also interested in supporting teens and young adults navigating educational and college challenges, parenting concerns, and individuals caring for chronically ill loved ones.
