When I first moved to Virginia and started work at FamilyFirst, my older daughter had just graduated from college, and my younger daughter had just graduated from high school. In one sense, none of the ways I identified myself – mother, wife, daughter, friend, psychologist – had changed, but the details of every one of these identifiers was changing. Midlife in women is often a time of intense transition physically, emotionally, and socially, that can bring reflections and questions. How we approach these changes can have an impact on whether we simply survive, or if we can thrive.
In considering the changes women experience in midlife, generally the first area considered is biological. Perimenopause and menopause can look and feel very different from person to person, but very few women go through this transition without at least some symptoms. During the menopausal transition (to greatly oversimplify), estrogen and progesterone decline sharply. It is important to remember that hormones are not limited to our reproductive organs but travel throughout the body. In particular, the hormonal shifts associated with perimenopause and menopause have direct effects on the brain chemicals most related to mood stability, as well as focus and memory. In addition, the physiological changes happening can lead to sleep problems and fluctuations in energy levels. Taken together, it is hardly surprising that during midlife many women become more emotionally sensitive, struggling with depression and/or anxiety, brain fog, irritability and anger, and a general sense of decreased control and comfort. In recent years, the broad array of symptoms associated with the menopausal transition has been receiving more attention than in the past, and there are a number of medications and other interventions to manage and cope. Working with a doctor with knowledge and expertise in this area can be extremely helpful and is a recommendation I regularly make to clients.
In addition to the biological, women in midlife are typically facing transitions in their relationships and roles. For many of us, these are the years when children are becoming more independent. Facing the “empty nest” is, in many ways, the prime example of a change that can bring both positive and negative emotions. Motherhood can be the centerpiece of a woman’s identity, whether she has had work responsibilities in addition to parenting or devoted her full-time energy to managing children and home. And although we never stop being our children’s parents, the time required generally decreases significantly (I typically frame this change as moving into the role of “consultant”). Utilizing a growth mindset and seeing this change as an opportunity to explore and pursue new interests can make a profound difference in navigating change.
Finally, it is important to acknowledge and pay attention to an additional factor complicating women’s midlife years. For many of us, this is a time when our own parents are reaching their senior years and may require care and attention they had never needed before. In addition to the logistical challenges this can present, the emotions that accompany bearing witness to parents’ decline can be quite painful. The particulars can vary a great deal from family to family, but preparing for the changes to come, and being able to process feelings in a safe, nonjudgmental environment, is crucial.
So, how can we cope with all these transitions and thrive during midlife and beyond? Strong relationships, healthy habits, and professional support can make all the difference.
- Pay attention to your body. Consult a physician to address symptoms associated with perimenopause and menopause. Prioritize physical activity, as research has consistently found that moderate physical activity is associated with decreased risk of depression and anxiety. Make an effort to eat healthfully, drink enough water, minimize alcohol use, and get enough sleep.
- Strengthen social support. Strong relationships have been found to be of central importance in maintaining emotional, cognitive, and physical health. As we find ourselves spending less time on the day-to-day demands of parenting younger children, women can benefit from investing time and energy nurturing friendships and/or community connections.
- Acknowledge and celebrate even small successes. We live in a society that often glamorizes youth and views aging through the lens of decline and loss. Engaging in practices that highlight even modest progress can reinforce and accelerate positive change.
- Seek professional support. Therapy provides a dedicated time, space, and person to help navigate the array of changes this phase of life presents, serving as a nonjudgmental arena in which to process feelings and learn and practice new perspectives and coping skills.
Going through the changes women face in midlife can feel overwhelming, but with a growth mindset, some self-care, interpersonal connections and support, this time can be an opportunity to thrive. Our best years just might be ahead of us!
Marcia Mofson, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
About the Author:
Dr. Marcia Mofson, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist at FamilyFirst Psychological Services, a mental health practice serving the Vienna, VA area, who specializes in working with adolescents, adults and couples. Her areas of expertise include women’s issues, trauma, disordered eating, personality disorders, relationship problems, and mood and anxiety disorders. She is also skilled in helping individuals with life transition struggles such as divorce, grief, retirement and family changes. Dr. Mofson is a PSYPACT provider and licensed in the state of New York.
