Instead of drifting peacefully to sleep each night, do you or your child find that bedtime announces a daily battle with unwanted thoughts and worries? You won’t be able to remember everything for the test. Your friend was mad at you at lunch. You are so worried about a person you love, you don’t know what to do. Problems near and far. The belly knots. Shoulders tense. You toss and turn.
Bedtime jitters come out when the day’s many distractions go dark and we’re left alone with our thoughts — just when our capacity for clear thinking and problem-solving are most depleted, too! While people’s feelings of happiness and life satisfaction peak each day in the morning hours, night finds them at their lowest point and this stress can cause sleep loss.
While fear is a lifesaving emotion that helps us detect a present danger and quickly respond to stay safe, anxiety looks to the future with a pervasive sense that all is not well, and something bad is going to happen. It keeps us on guard for any number of potential dangers, be they likely or not, pushing the pedal to the metal on cortisol and other stress reactions. If chronic, it can wreak havoc on our mental and physical wellbeing.
What can we do to chase away this true monster under the bed? Some of my favorite practices appear below. May they help you and your child find the rest and relaxation you deserve, as quality sleep is critical for good mental health:
- Breathing exercises. These are the go-to for regulating the stress response. Breathe in slowly through the nose until the abdomen is full, pause, and breathe out slowly through the mouth. If you count while you’re breathing, let the exhale take a beat or two longer than the inhale. This tells your body’s vagus nerve that all is well.
- Hypnosis and meditation. Use YouTube or an app like Calm to go on a mental journey to a beautiful and restful place, relax each muscle group in your body one at a time, and hear positive affirmations of safety and optimism. Some children like to listen to soothing stories as they fall asleep, like on the Moshi or Storybook apps.
- Talk with a friend or therapist. This can help you feel more connected and aid in problem solving. No one around? Write it down. Journaling can promote positive mental health and less stress leads to better sleep.
- Soothing touch. If your child likes it, provide a gentle backrub while recapping the day in a positive light, or while telling a pretend story about the weather with different motions for sunrise, rain, wind, snow, and sunset. Nurturing touch – if welcome – can reduce cortisol and increase dopamine and oxytocin to calm the overactive nervous system.
And with that, friends, I bid you a peaceful good night!
Lisa Rochford, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
