August always brings with it a range of feelings, including anxiety about the upcoming transition back to school. Some children eagerly anticipate returning to school, meeting their new teachers and re-connecting with their peers. Others are not quite so enthusiastic. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind to ease back-to-school anxiety as the new school year approaches.
- Validate your Child’s Feelings. Avoid blanket cheerful statements (e.g. “you’ll be fine!” “don’t worry about it”). Even though these statements are meant to be encouraging, they can actually invalidate your child’s feelings instead of providing reassurance. It is very common to be nervous when facing a new situation, and normalizing this experience for your child can actually help to diminish the power that their feelings have over them.
- Problem-Solve. Talk with your child about what, specifically, he or she is feeling afraid of with regard to the return to school. Is it not making friends? Missing the bus? Not being able to manage the workload? Getting lost in the school building? If you can gather more information, you can then do some problem-solving with them about how to handle their “worst case scenario” fears. Increasing your child’s sense of competence to manage challenges is a great way to decrease their anxiety.
- Focus on Positive Coping. There are a range of strategies to help someone self-soothe when anxious (e.g. box breathing, thinking about a positive memory). Talk with your child about some strategies to try, and help them practice before the first day arrives.
- Be a Good Role Model. Remember that one of the ways that our children learn how to think and feel about any particular life challenge is from listening to us. If you appear overwhelmed and anxious regarding the return to school, your child may follow your lead. Sometimes it helps to share how you have felt when facing a new situation, including how to you handled it and how you felt once it was behind you.
- Reinforce Bravery. Sometimes we need a reward when we do something especially difficult! Think about ways to reinforce the behavior of facing fears, whether just with giving your child words of praise, or with planning a special treat after they successfully get back on that school bus again at the end of the summer.
Good luck to everyone with the start of this new school year!
Kathleen Boykin McElhaney, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist