Those of us in Northern Virginia have a recent memory of a tornado watch. Schools let out early because of a worrisome forecast of strong storms, high winds, and the possibility of tornadoes. Not too much seemed to come of it, thankfully, but it was likely the first of a series of tornado watches for the coming season.
You may be wondering why a therapy blog is talking about tornado watches. When our emotions, or our kids’ emotions, get really upset, angry, frustrated, out-of-control, or scared, it’s kind of like we’re having a brain tornado. Our emotions are swirling around fast and furious, and storm damage is likely. Sharp words, hurt feelings, and compromised trust may follow.
In the world of weather, we cannot prevent tornadoes from occurring. All we can do is get to safety. But in the world of emotions, we have a better chance. We can enter tornado watch conditions armed with a plan. We can find ways to calm our triggered nervous systems, and we can identify coping thoughts to narrate ourselves through the rough patch.
For instance, if you know that your child gets revved up at birthday parties and usually has a meltdown, with tears, refusal, or stomping, when it’s time to go home, make a plan. Explore the pattern with your child without shaming or blaming, and brainstorm together about how to leave the next party on a high note. Perhaps you start giving your child notice about 30 minutes before the party’s end that it’s time to begin winding down. Check back in at 20 minutes, and at 10 minutes, say it’s time to help clean up, find our things, and say thank you and goodbye. If you and your child walk into the birthday party having agreed to this plan ahead of time, you have a decent chance of avoiding a meltdown. You could even sweeten the deal with a promise of a small treat or privilege for carrying the plan to completion.
Or perhaps you know that when you come home tired and hungry after a long, rough day at work, you are more likely to pick a fight with your spouse about a minor annoyance. Make a plan. As you leave the office, say to yourself, “I’m leaving work at work.” On the commute, have small snacks ready to take the edge off the hangry. Listen to some music that you know will improve your headspace. When you arrive home, take a moment to change out of your work clothes and take a breath. It might help to tell yourself, “I may be tired and worn out, but I can treat my family with love. If I find myself getting too annoyed, I will gracefully exit the situation before I blow up.” Tell your spouse about this plan beforehand so they can support you in preventing the brain tornado.
What do you think? Tornado averted? Storm damage prevented? There’s certainly a much better chance of success if you walk into a brain tornado watch armed with a plan. Good luck!
Sarah Ince, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
