The Power of Attention
How and when parents pay attention to their children’s behaviors has a powerful influence on their future choice of behaviors. All too often parents naturally gravitate to noticing and calling out negative or disruptive behaviors. One of my favorite parenting tips is “catch your children being good” which refers to looking for good things and acknowledging when they are doing something right and praising them instead of only pointing out when they are doing something wrong or disruptive.
The Benefits of Praise
Letting them know that you notice they do good things and making a point of consistently praising them for those positive behaviors has many benefits. These include fostering a more positive relationship with your children, helping boost their self-esteem, and growing their innate motivation to continue with positive actions. Specific examples of how to offer positive praise and encouragement include verbal statements and nonverbal gestures.
Verbal Statements of Praise
Verbal statements of praise can include:
• “Great job!”
• “I’m proud of you.”
• “You did a great job doing…”
• “That was awesome the way you…”
• “It is nice to see you doing…”
• “I like it when you…”
• “I see how hard you are trying.”
• “What a nice thing you did!”
• “You sure act mature when you…”
• “It was terrific when you…”
• “You did…without me having to remind you, way to go!”
Nonverbal Signs of Praise
Nonverbal signs of praise can include:
• Giving a thumbs-up sign
• Smiles
• Hugs/Pats
• A light kiss
• Placing arm around the child
• An eye wink
• A high-five
A Summer Challenge for Parents
Parents: I challenge you this summer to practice paying attention to your children’s desirable behaviors. The payoff is great and will help this important parenting skill to become a habit when school resumes and will help form healthy behavioral habits/actions for your children as well.
A Personal Twist
Lastly, my personal twist to this approach is to use “I caught you” statements when you notice your children doing good things or something right. You can also consider using accompanying visual acknowledgments such as a sticker that has a motivational message on it or a cut-out paper star with the specific positive behavior you are highlighting and praising them for written on it. You can even add some simple rewards if you choose to do so for their accumulation of stars/stickers earned.
Try to have fun while working on this skill over the summer.
Maria Kanakos, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
About the Author:
Dr. Maria Kanakos, PsyD has been a licensed clinical psychologist for over 20 years. She is a co-founder, and the Director of Testing Services for FamilyFirst Psychological Services, a mental health practice serving the Vienna, VA area. She has extensive training working with children and adolescents presenting with emotional, developmental, social and educational challenges. She helps children cope with stress, anxiety, depressed mood, learning differences and managing negative emotions. She provides psychotherapy services to children and adolescents incorporating cognitive behavioral and mindfulness techniques along with a family focused approach. Her expertise includes anxiety disorders, depression, ADHD, sensory processing disorders and high functioning autism. She conducts comprehensive psychological and psychoeducational assessments to develop personalized treatment goals and IEP school interventions.
