Demonstrating respect for oneself and others is a hallmark of living a happy, healthy life. Acknowledging and honoring our similarities and differences, and truly seeing ourselves and others as the unique beings we all are, can bring a sense of inner and outer peace. In the world of 2016, it is no small feat to nurture an inner peace within ourselves and a greater outer peace within our communities. We are living in angry, sometimes violent times, and a nurturance of respect appears to be sorely needed. But, how is that accomplished when each time we turn on media we are faced with angry faces often spewing disrespectful comments and bullying tactics? How are we to practice respectful behavior ourselves and teach our children to be respectful when so much disrespectful behavior is being modeled by those we are supposed to look up to?
First, it would be important to teach our children how to be respectful. We can teach them to slow down, listen reflectively to others, consider a response, and then respond in a calm, considerate manner. It would also be important to teach our children that people have differing opinions and beliefs, and these need to be honored when we are dealing with others. We can explain that honoring someone else’s opinion does not preclude our having a different one which can be shared calmly and thoughtfully. The notion of two people sharing opposing beliefs in a calm, respectful manner may seem foreign to our children since they may not have recently seen this modeled in the media, but we can teach them that this is a possibility. When watching media with our children, we can point out when someone is being disrespectful and discuss how else that situation could have been handled.
Second, we want to model respectful behavior. What our children see us doing provides a much more potent lesson than what they hear us tell them to do. When we are interacting with friends, colleagues, family members, service people, and people we do not even know in the car in front of us, communicating thoughtfully, with consideration and kindness, models respectful behavior. When dealing with our children, if we treat them respectfully, even as we are disciplining them, they will learn what it feels like to be treated with respect while they also learn how to treat others with respect. Making eye contact, listening mindfully, calmly responding, and acknowledging differences without defensiveness or contempt, are all behavioral components of respect.
Finally, we want to live a respectful life. When we wake each morning with gratitude for a new day, for the people and things in our life we are fortunate to have, and for the opportunity to create a new day’s activities, we approach the day with reverence. When we acknowledge that we are unique in our being, as is everyone else, and when we honor our similarities and differences, we are living a respectful life. Often, at the end of a yoga class, the word “Namaste” is said. This means “the light in me, sees and honors the light in you”. Even when we are not doing yoga, we can engage with others by seeing and acknowledging the light in them, while seeing and acknowledging the light in ourselves. Our children will notice when we are living a respectful life. They will then be more apt to embody these behaviors themselves.
We live in a world that often seems angry and even violent. Teaching, modeling, and living respectful behavior may help us, as adults, change the tenor of the world and bring more loving-kindness to its borders. It may also bring hope to the next generation who might then live in a world less filled with anger, disrespect, and contempt, and more filled with love and respect.
Marcia Kaufman, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist