Don’t Just Recount. Reflect.

Working with older teens at this time of year, there is often discussion in my office about the College Application Essay. Many teens find this to be a daunting task, feeling the high-stakes pressure of wanting to get into the right college. The pressure comes in part from the writing itself, but more often it comes from looking for the “right” topic. For those who are not familiar with the specifics, students have several prompts from which to choose – discuss an accomplishment, discuss a time you faced a setback, discuss a concept you find engaging, discuss something someone has done for you, etc. The commonality among all the prompts is that the student is asked to reflect on what this means to them and says about them. Among the guidance given to students wanting to be successful is the phrase, “Don’t just recount. Reflect.” This refers to using whatever experience you are discussing as a launchpad to show what you have learned about yourself and how this might affect your future.

It seems to me that this assignment can be viewed as far more than yet another source of anxiety for our already over-stressed adolescents. There is value for people of all ages in thinking more deeply about our experiences, using them as opportunities to know ourselves more fully, to gather life lessons, and to use this knowledge as we move through the world.

So, how might we become more reflective in our lives?
1) There is benefit in being more intentional and mindful as we move through the day. Pay attention to the world, not only what you are experiencing but also how you feel and what you think. Far too often, we move through the day “mindlessly,” missing opportunities and experiences.

2) Reflect on experiences and ideas after the fact. Many people find writing in a journal to be very helpful as a tool for processing and growing. Alternatively, or additionally, engage in conversation aimed at deeper understanding. One example, known as “Rose Thorn Bud,” can be adapted to be part of dinner conversation with even the youngest children (and the oldest grandparents). In going over the day, each person shares a positive highlight (Rose), something that did not go well or did not feel good (Thorn), and an opportunity for improvement or something you’re looking forward to (Bud). Or less formally, in thinking to yourself or sharing with someone else about something you’ve done or something that has happened, ask the question “what’s something meaningful I/you can take from this?” Simply asking the question can lead to deeper thinking.

As an example of becoming more reflective in our lives, I can share a recent experience. In approaching a “milestone birthday,” I registered for a half marathon. The training was, frankly, rough. I completed the race within the course time limit – as the very last person to cross the finish
line. In conversation later in the day with someone dear to me, he asked the sort of question mentioned above (“What’s something positive you can take from this latest life experience?”). So, I reflected. I’ve learned that I can find the determination to push through challenges, and that I can be proud of doing hard things, and that “winning” is certainly not the only measure of success.
Perhaps the college application essay can serve as a reminder that reflection can benefit all of us, helping to gain an understanding and appreciation of who we are and how we can face challenges at
all stages of life.

Marcia Mofson, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist