We all experience life differently, yet one commonality among us all is that we are all going to experience distressing events, as well as physical, emotional, and mental pain, at some point in our lives. Some of the distressing/painful experiences will be things that we can control, such as choosing to drink and drive, while others will be things we cannot control, such as COVID-19.

Although we may not have the power to control certain things and situations, we do have the power to not make the situation any worse than it already is. Life can sometimes be hard, unfair, or difficult but fighting, denying, or ignoring something you have no control over doesn’t change the reality of the situation.  Rather, when we “fight” the reality of a painful situation, we inadvertently make our own suffering more likely.  

Painful situation + Fighting Reality = Suffering

Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) focuses on the dialectic between acceptance and change, finding the balance between changing the things that we have the power to change and accepting the things that we cannot.  One of the ways that we can reduce suffering is through acceptance.  Acceptance involves letting go of the things that you cannot control and riding out the emotions that come with it.  

Examples of acceptance include:

• Accepting with your mind by telling yourself: “It is what it is.” or “That’s life.” 
• Accepting with your body with willing open hands or a half smile.

Accepting something doesn’t mean that you like it or that you agree with it. It just means that you recognize that fighting it would only make things worse. And if we can’t make something better, at least let’s not make it worse. 

Celes Smith, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker