Some years ago, around this time of year, I got a call from someone very dear to me. She told me she was making a New Year’s resolution that we would get together at least once a month. This is one of the few New Year’s resolutions that had true staying power, as we kept to it throughout that year and several years afterward. As with so many social connections, our regular get-togethers were put on hold with the Covid-19 pandemic shutdowns, and we have struggled to get back on track ever since. With another New Year around the corner, I intend to revive this tradition. 

Most of us have an intuitive sense that connections and relationships with others are important for our physical and mental health, but the data is catching up with intuition. Results from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a longitudinal study that began following adults in 1938 and continues to this day, have found that the single most important factor contributing to health, happiness, and longevity is having positive relationships.1

There are many ways to think about relationships, and there are many types of relationships. When we think about the expanding circle of people in our lives, we can find benefits in each. The closest circle, intimate relationships, may include immediate family, long-term romantic partners, and close friends. These can serve as anchors, the people we turn to (and who turn to us) for support as well as companionship. The next circle contains friends. I often talk with clients about two primary functions of friendships: people to do things with, and people to talk to. The level of overlap between these functions and the balance can change, but both can boost our physical and emotional well-being. Moving outward, we may find acquaintances of many sorts: teammates, members of a spiritual community, classmates. Some of these people will fall out of our lives when activities or locations change, while some may become long-term friends.

Finally, there is an outer circle of relationships that may not get enough attention or appreciation. These are people with whom we interact in the most casual and passing way, like the barista at the local coffee shop or the security guard at the office building. Such “weak ties” can have surprising benefits. The “strong ties” of intimate relationships and close friendships bring enormous benefits, but also require an investment of time and energy, while passing interactions require little expenditure and have still been found to improve health and happiness. During the pandemic shutdowns, these interactions were greatly decreased, and many have not come back. I was at a coffee shop recently and noticed the number of people who had pre-ordered, then picked up their drinks from a rack without saying a word or even making eye contact. While I understand the convenience, these are opportunities lost.

So, what do we take away from these considerations? I am, and encourage others to join me, making a resolution to use the New Year as an opportunity to be more attentive to social connections, be they intimate or casual, strong or weak. Call a cousin, hug a friend, share a meal, or chat with the barista. Science tells us this is the key to living longer, healthier, and happier lives.

Marcia Mofson, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

1. The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger, M.D., and Marc Schulz, Ph.D. Copyright © 2023 by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz. Published by Simon and Schuster.