Finding Delight in your Children

Building a secure attachment with our children is critically important for their development. Spending quality time with our children, being a consistent safe space, and reliably showing up to meet their needs help build secure attachments. Another aspect of parenting that helps build secure attachments involves delighting in our kids.  To delight in our children means having happiness and appreciation for who they are just as they are and taking pleasure and enjoyment in their presence. 

What a difference it can make for our children when we delight in them! It builds their self-esteem, strengthens their identity, and promotes emotional and social growth. Delighting in our kids has no strings attached and doesn’t require anything other than showing up. When we show up for our children in a present way and demonstrate to them that we are simply happy to be around them, children feel safe, important, and loved.  

In day-to-day life, it is easy for parents to feel overwhelmed by juggling many demands so adding another parenting task to our schedule can feel like a burden. Fortunately, delighting in our children does not require prior planning and it doesn’t even have to get in the way of other things happening each day.  Delighting in our children can be incorporated into little things you already do every day, such as: 

• Waking up in the morning or getting home from work and saying how happy you are to see them.
• Smiling and watching them play with their toys, just enjoying their presence.
• Showing up to a school event and telling them, “I’m happy to have had this time with you.”
• Actively listening about whatever they want to talk about from their day.
• Hugging them for no particular reason.
• Watching them do any task, whether a chore, schoolwork, or playing a sport, and letting them know, “I enjoy watching you do ‘X’” or “It makes me happy to watch you do ‘X’”.

Little words, physical presence, and affirmations build connection and positive self-esteem for our children and let them know that they are special and important to us.  So, today and every day, try to find a way to delight in your children.

Michelle Molina, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker