With school back in session and the inevitable onslaught of homework, tests, and projects fast approaching, it won’t be long before parents and teachers hear the familiar trope from their children of, “I can’t!” or “It’s too hard!” Such statements reflect a fixed mindset, which is the idea that one’s abilities are innate and unchangeable. When someone with a fixed mindset is faced with a challenge, they view the outcome as binary: either I’m capable or I’m not. They view successful people as lucky or gifted rather than hardworking. Harboring a fixed mindset
can lead to feelings of self-doubt and defeat, and it generally precludes one from even wanting to try at something unless they can envision immediate success.

In contrast, a growth mindset acknowledges that the brain is, in fact, plastic; it can grow, change, and adapt as we acquire new skills. Other than the rare savant who is born with incredible talent, most people are not gifted with skills but instead achieve them through hard work, persistence, dedication, and time. Instead of saying, “I can’t,” a person with a growth mindset will approach the challenge by saying, “I can’t yet” or “I don’t know if I can, but I will try.” For children for
whom this way of thinking doesn’t come naturally, parents can help by modeling growth- oriented language.

Another way to foster a growth mindset is by focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Effort is a building block of growth, no matter how slow the growth may be. Compliments such as, “You’re so smart” or “You’re the best player on the soccer team” emphasize traits and outcomes, which may seem immutable. Instead, praise process and progress. Comments such as “I’m so proud of how hard you studied for that test” or “That defensive play you made really wowed me” reinforce the importance of hard work, and learning how to work hard is more important than any test grade or soccer score.

Focusing on process naturally subsumes a focus on failure. It is important for children to learn that making mistakes is expected and nothing to be scared or ashamed of. In fact, we often learn more from making mistakes than if we had done it correctly the first time. As a parent, it’s important to let your children struggle (within reason!); as tempting as it may be to rush to their aid to prevent their failure, by not stepping in you are teaching them that failure is acceptable, and that they can persevere in the face of difficulty.

Finally, cultivating a growth mindset requires one to embrace challenges. For these individuals, activities that stretch or intimidate them are not viewed as roadblocks but as opportunities to acquire new skills. They welcome discomfort when trying something new, are fueled by the desire to learn and problem-solve, and celebrate their efforts regardless of outcome.

If this way of thinking feels foreign to you, that is okay. It’s not that you don’t have a growth mindset, it’s that you haven’t developed one yet.

Ashley Dennin, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist