How To Help Your Indecisive Child

Many families I work with share that their child has difficulty making decisions which can sometimes lead to meltdowns and/or excessive time in doing so. Many factors can contribute to indecisiveness in children. These include, but are not limited to, fear of making a “wrong choice”, feeling overwhelmed by numerous/wide array of choices, low confidence and inability to trust their gut or judgment, developmental stage they are in (e.g., younger children do not have well-developed executive function skills needed for processing of information and independent decision-making) or even potential underlying conditions such as anxiety (including perfectionism) and ADHD. Regardless of the underpinning behind your child’s indecisiveness there are many things parents can do to support, assist, and facilitate a successful decision making process. Here are some key strategies to help an indecisive child:

Offer limited choices. Instead of presenting numerous options which can be overwhelming, narrow down to just a couple to make the decision-making process more manageable.
Use decision-making strategies. Utilize simple strategies like eenie-meenie-miny-moe.., flipping a coin, making a list of pros and cons to help them consider benefits and drawbacks of each option, or create and use decision-making charts to guide them through targeted decisions such as what to eat, what to wear or what activities to participate. Decision guides can be based on comfort level, weather, level of difficulty or activity involved, etc.
Validate their feelings. Acknowledge that making decisions can be hard and it is okay to not know immediately what to choose. Provide guidance while letting your child take ownership of their choices. Remind them that making choices is part of life and makes them stronger and more confident. Highlight that practicing is key to making the decision-making process easier over time.
Encourage open communication. Discuss their concerns and anxieties around making decisions. Ask “what” versus “why” questions (e.g., “what is making it hard for you in this situation to decide or choose?”). This kind of inquiry allows for understanding the reasoning behind their struggle and paves a way for collaborative problem-solving and guidance while they maintain ownership and control of the decision-making process.
Use positive reinforcement. Praise their efforts and highlight and applaud when they make a decision no matter how big or small or even if it’s not their most preferred or “best” one.
Build confidence. Help foster a growth mindset by assisting your child with self-talk that includes, “I can do this” and that making mistakes is part of the learning process and help us grow and lead to better choices in the future. Highlight that there is no such thing as a “perfect” decision and that once they make a choice to stick to it, especially if second guessing and re-evaluating options is occurring.
Keep a record of past decisions. This strategy is particularly useful for younger children who are still learning effective decision-making skills. Basically, by writing down past decisions and how they were made and turned out, children can refer back to these for similar scenarios that are again causing indecisiveness and can serve as a “map” to guide them.

Decision making is an important skill children need in order to become healthy adults. Begin cultivating this skill by starting with practicing making small decisions such as asking your children some everyday choices such as what to wear, what to eat for breakfast or lunch, or what extra-curricular activity they would like to do when not at school. Decision making skills require teaching, practicing and applying. Be patient, give them some time and let them practice making choices with your support and guidance using the strategies listed above. Most importantly, avoid making decisions for them, criticizing their choice, or rushing them into making a choice. Lastly, if your child’s indecisiveness is significantly impacting their daily life consult a therapist or pediatrician to determine any underlying conditions that may be making the development of this skill extra challenging for your child.

Maria Kanakos, Psy.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist