When my daughters were younger, I was working on finishing my post-doctoral requirements for licensure, and my husband was working full-time and going to school to get an MBA.  When it was nice weather, I would go sit on my porch for 10 minutes every evening.  I remember telling my girls it was “Mommy’s Porch Time.” They were allowed to come sit next to me if they wanted, but no talking, for 10 minutes.  

We can’t pretend to know what it feels like to be Simone Biles, who recently pulled out of the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, or Naomi Osaka, who earlier this year stepped away from the French Open and withdrew from Wimbledon.  But you don’t have to be competing on an international stage to feel stressed or pressured to perform, and everyone can benefit from prioritizing their mental health.  

1. Take Breaks.  Not everyone can go away for a weekend or schedule expensive spa treatments to unwind.  But taking breaks (even if it is just 10 minutes on your porch) to re-center yourself is an often recommended strategy for calming and self-soothing.  This is a great time to practice mindfulness – either formally or informally (During my porch time, I used to just try to focus on how pretty my yard looked or appreciate the sound of the insects in the evenings). 
2. Say No.  This is another often repeated tip, but it deserves repeating again.  Even if you are someone who feels gratified from being involved in your community and helping others, too much activity directed outward can sap our internal resources and cause us to feel stretched too thin.  Helping others can benefit our mental health, but if your commitments start to feel like more than you can manage, think about where you can cut back.
3. Pay Attention to Your Body.  It is difficult to maintain good mental health if our physical health is suffering.  In addition to the basics of prioritizing sleep, exercise and nutrition, schedule that check-up you’ve been putting off, check on your blood pressure, and take time to stretch for a few minutes even if you can’t fit in more strenuous exercise.  
4. Pay Attention to Your Mind.  Sometimes stress is generated internally.  Decades of research have confirmed that our cognitive processes – the internal dialogues we all have, things we say to ourselves about ourselves – have direct and powerful effects on our sense of well-being.  Often those internal dialogues are so automatic that they run without our conscious awareness, but they still can affect how we feel.  Pay attention to the judgments you make about yourself, and the number of times you do something because you feel as if you “should.”  If you notice that you are frequently criticizing yourself for doing too much of something (or for not doing enough), find ways to get a reality check on your thinking.  Consider alternative explanations or run the scenario by a trusted friend.  

Kathleen B. McElhaney, Ph.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist