We live in an ever-changing world. As soon as we buy a new computer or cellular phone, there is an update. Our environment, our economy, our health, our family situations are frequently in flux. Our children start new schools, get new teachers and coaches, join new social groups, and must navigate new demands from all of these sources. Learning to be resilient, or flexible under the influence of change, is a vital capacity to nurture given our fast-paced, variable world. But how does one go about nurturing the capacity of resilience?
According to Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., there are five key tips for developing resiliency. The first is an acceptance of reality that allows for an optimization of future possibilities. If we are overly optimistic we may not plan for the possibility of change. Being realistic about this possibility provides an opportunity for us to problem solve and be proactive. People who are overly optimistic may actually be protecting themselves from a thought they find intolerable. Resilient people are able to tolerate the difficult “what ifs”, because they believe in their abilities to adapt to new situations, even difficult ones. Appropriate realism does not mean we become fretters, it just means we are open to what may come our way and we believe in our capacity to deal with it.
Nurturing a social network also helps to encourage the development of resiliency. Cultivating allies and mentors to provide support during challenging times enhances our hardiness during these times. Feeling safe and having a deep belief that life is meaningful is a third key to resilience. Feeling safe can include a sense of spirituality or a religious belief, but it can also just mean feeling safe in one’s own ability to handle life’s challenging situations. Having this sense of self-efficacy allows us to navigate life’s winding roads. Resilient people are also highly creative and adaptable. This is the capacity to make lemonade out of lemons. Dr. Borysenko tells the story of looking into a nearly empty refrigerator with three wilted carrots and half an onion, and deciding that you will make a great soup.
Finally, resilient people have taken care of their “physical plant”. They exercise, eat right, and get adequate sleep. They practice mindfulness, being fully aware of the present moment without judgment, to enhance emotion regulation, focus, and the capacity to cope. They are aware of ‘burnout’ and take steps to keep their bodies running optimally.
The brain signature of resilience, according to Dr. Dan Siegel, is a moving toward rather than away from challenging situations. Increasing our capacity to tolerate the moving toward that which is difficult because we believe in our ability to deal with whatever life has in store for us, is what we mean by resilience. And resilience is a critical competence for us to develop as we navigate the 21st century.
Marcia Kaufman, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
(Portions of this blog were taken from a lecture by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. at the conference of The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine, December, 2011.)