Believe it or not, the end of summer is almost here. For families with school age children, this time of year often brings up a range of strong emotions. The return to school can arouse positive feelings, such as excitement, and also negative ones – apprehension, worry or even dread. Both parents and children often have a myriad of questions, hopes and/or fears about the upcoming school (will my child get that teacher? will my friends be in my class? what should I wear?). Several factors can affect a child’s ability to easily transition back into the school year, including the child’s own personal characteristics, parents’ attitudes, and past experiences with school. Although any transition can be challenging, there are some strategies that families can employ to help reduce the level of stress and negativity associated with change.
Plan ahead and anticipate challenges. The return to school often means a change in schedules for kids and parents alike. Shifting back to the “school year” bedtimes and mealtimes a week or two prior to the first day of school can help to ease the challenges posed by trying to get sleepy, cranky kids (and parents!) to rush out of the door. If your child is particularly anxious about starting school, plan to visit the school ahead of time with your child. Meeting their teacher, locating their classroom, etc., can help to ease pre-school anxieties and also can allow your child the chance to ask questions and/or voice their feelings. It may also be helpful to arrange get-togethers with some of your child’s classmates before school starts and/or during the first weeks of school, to help your child begin to establish positive social relationships with peers.
Set realistic expectations. To the extent possible, try to clear your own schedule during the first week of school. As much as you can, postpone business trips, volunteer meetings, and/or extra projects. You want to be as free as possible to support your child in acclimating to the school routine and to help him or her to overcome any obstacles that may arise. Also, try not to make too many other changes around back-to-school time – e.g. starting new lessons, changing childcare providers. Too many transitions at once can be overwhelming for kids and parents alike.
Maintain a positive attitude. If your child is particularly anxious, of course acknowledge and validate this feeling. Let your child know that it is natural to be nervous anytime you start something new – you might even share your own past anxieties about a similar situation (e.g. starting a new job). However, it is also important to reinforce your child’s ability to cope. Suggest strategies for soothing themselves if they become anxious or upset while at school (e.g. taking some deep breaths, thinking about a positive memory, anticipating doing something fun/rewarding after school). Remind your child about past situations when they were nervous at first, but did just fine once they learned the new routine.
Kathleen Boykin McElhaney, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist