I recently went away to the mountains where there were no screens…no service for cell phones, no access to wifi, and no televisions for a whole week! The first day without my phone, without a constant barrage of texts, emails, and phone calls, I felt naked, uncomfortable, and out of touch. By the third day, though, I felt free. Without my smart phone to distract me, I was able to be more present with my children, to feel more relaxed, and to truly enjoy being away. Now, as we return to buzz of regular life again, it feels more difficult to make the choice to “turn off” the screens and to create the same sense of calm and presence that we had on vacation. This dilemma prompted me to think about how important it is to actively limit screen time for parents, just as we do for children.
Many times a week, I meet with parents to discuss setting appropriate limits for screen time with children of different ages. Many parents have the same concerns about screens…that they “dull” children’s minds, they are sedentary and non-social activities, they teach aggression, and/or they distract children from chores, homework, family time, etc. Hmmm…if those are the concerns for children, shouldn’t we have the same concerns for adults? A 2009 study by Ball State University’s Center for Media Design and Sequent Partners reported that adults between 45 and 54 years of age average the most daily screen time [of all ages], with just over 9.5 hours per day. I hear about adults who spend tons of time on their Ipad playing Angry Birds or surfing the net while ostensibly engaging in “family time” or adults who are so tied to their Blackberries that they are not very present with their families. Don’t those behaviors pose the same risks as do our children’s video game or tv time?
So what can you do to effectively limit screen time for both adults and children in the family? First, it can be very helpful to actively schedule “no-screen times” for the entire family. That means that televisions and video games are off and that cell phones are put away. Second, schedule activities that keep you busy and physically active so there is less of a draw to screens. Third, when possible, inform work colleagues, friends, and others that there will be certain times (e.g., dinner time and/or children’s bed times) that you are unavailable for email or phone calls. Fourth, during family time, regularly check in and ask yourself, “Am I being fully present with my family right now?” If the answer is no, check and see if any screens might be distracting you. While this newfound limit on screen time for parents may be a tough adjustment at first, it is likely to pay off in terms of family connectedness, reduced stress, and increased physical activity. And don’t forget that children model much of their behavior from their parents so efforts to curb your own screen time is sure to have a positive benefit for your children as well.
Kelly H. Theis, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist