With spring now upon us, what better way to greet the new season than with a twist on a yearly ritual: psychological spring cleaning. Just as we need to remove the dust from our tabletops, clear out the stale food from the refrigerator, and clean the cobwebs out of the attic, our brains – our entire lives, even – can benefit from periodic cleaning. Therefore, with spring representing a time of rebirth and renewal, it is beneficial to take stock in our lives and clean out what no longer serves us.
As we begin to comb through the aspects of our lives in need of cleaning, bad habits come to mind first. A habit is an acquired behavior pattern that one engages in routinely. With enough frequency, a habit may become so ingrained and automatic in our daily functioning that we do not even realize we are doing it. However, just as habits are acquired with practice, they can be unlearned with conscientious awareness of them and a commitment to behave differently. Which of your habits is causing more harm than good in your life? Maybe it’s nail-biting or eating mindlessly in front of the television. Maybe you procrastinate on big work assignments or frequently back out of plans with friends at the last minute. Whatever the bad habit, gaining awareness of it is the first step in scrubbing it from your behavioral repertoire. Once you identify the habit and decide that you want and are ready to break it, identify an opposing behavior to compete with it. Then, remain diligent about noticing each time you engage in the bad habit and consciously choose to do something different until the new behavior becomes habitual.
Bad habits are not the only things that need disposing. Spring cleaning is also a great opportunity to reflect on the people in your life and evaluate who is worthy of being part of it. Whether it’s an acquaintance, a friend, or a romantic partner, ask yourself – does this person support me when I’m in need? Does he listen when I need to vent and offer helpful suggestions? Does she build me up instead of cut me down? Do they encourage me to surpass my own expectations of myself? Do they laugh at my jokes and make me laugh in return? If the answer to these questions is yes, you are lucky to have such a person in your life! However, if there are people in your life who are critical, who minimize your feelings rather than validate them, who break promises, who make you doubt yourself, who judge you harshly, who abandon you when you are in need – these are the people who may not deserve to be in your life. While relationships are always complex and full of ups and downs, it is worthwhile to think about whether anyone in your life is bringing you down more than up and if the negatives outweigh the positives. It is far better to have a few strong, nurturing connections than many toxic, unhealthy ones.
Lastly, and perhaps most insidious, are the negative and harmful thoughts that need to be stripped from our minds. Like a behavioral habit, certain types of thought patterns may be so entrenched in our minds that we may not notice them or realize they can be changed. However, thoughts aren’t facts and we needn’t fall prey their power. We can alter our thoughts to alter how we feel. Harmful thoughts are those that criticize (either yourself or others), exaggerate, or ignore the full picture. For example: I’m not good enough, Everything about my life is terrible, Nothing ever works out for me, I’m the dumbest person in this class, I should be over my grief by now, I hate my body, etc. These thoughts, while likely not based in fact, can have a tremendous impact on how we feel. If you can take a gentler, more balanced approach to your thinking (e.g., “This week has been terrible but next week is bound to be better”), you’ll likely feel remarkably different, and more optimistic, about whatever the situation may be.
It’s time to wipe off the dust, clear out the cobwebs, and start cleaning. Waste no more time on unhealthy habits, relationships, and thoughts. Instead, make room in your life for healthy behaviors, fulfilling relationships, and positive thoughts. Happy Spring!
Ashley Kaplan, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist