Reflecting upon recent events in this country and across the world, it may be easy to become discouraged or disillusioned with the state of humanity. The news is inundated with stories of violence and crime, creating the impression that the world is bad and scary, that people are evil and unpredictable. What the news presents, of course, is only a slice of the full picture, but our confirmation bias leads us to seek out information that confirms what we already believe to be true. Thus, we begin collecting evidence to support our theory that the world is an unfriendly place to inhabit. How frightening and overwhelming it must be to filter out all the joys and successes and only attend to the negatives!
How do we combat this bias and revert to a healthier, more balanced perception of how the world works? Change our beliefs. Acknowledge that the world (or your boss, your spouse, your job, etc.) isn’t all bad. Pay attention to those instances that contradict your biases. Start trying to catch people in the act of doing good. Take the time to recognize the man who walked from one end of the metro car to the other to make sure a passenger knew that her stop was next. Notice the kind stranger who smiles at you as you hurriedly rush to work. Notice the co-worker who asks, “How are you?” and actually waits to hear the honest answer. These small acts of kindness do not negate the atrocities that continue to occur across the world, but bit by bit they can begin to tip the scales in a more favorable direction. Once you actively start seeking out examples of goodness, you may be surprised by how often they occur.
As parents, it is extremely important to notice – and let them know that we notice – our kids’ positive behaviors. Particularly for children who are prone to acting out or receiving negative attention, we can’t let confirmation bias prevent us from catching them in those moments of doing something kind, brave, or creative. By highlighting these good acts, you are nurturing the part of the child that may too often be overshadowed by negative behaviors, thus encouraging the goodness to grow.
The road to improvement is rarely linear. As the old adage states, “Two steps forward, one step back.” While we have certainly seen a lot of progress in recent years with more and more marginalized groups advocating for human rights, events like those that just took place in Beirut and Paris are sobering reminders that as we move forward on the path to progress, major stumbling blocks continue to arise underfoot. Giant leaps forward are often accompanied by setbacks. This is also true for those seeking mental health services. Whether you suffer from ADHD and are trying to get back on track academically, or you are a recovering alcoholic, or you are overcoming a phobia of elevators, or you are climbing out of a depressive episode, the road to health is not a steady incline. This is okay; minor setbacks are par for the course. While some may consider this a pessimistic view, I see it as a realistic and compassionate one. If you are able to expect and prepare for these small steps backward, they will not derail you as far. If you are kind to yourself (and others) in regards to your/their shortcomings and not punish yourself/them for them, each subsequent step backward will be smaller and shorter. Remain persistent, keep an eye out for signs of growth and goodness, and know that while the journey is difficult and may take some unexpected turns, it will be worth it in the end.
Ashley Kaplan, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist