I recently returned home from a trip to the eclectic city of New Orleans. While warming in the sun watching talented street performers, listening to a mixture of musical styles, and smelling the scent of freshly-made pralines, I began to think about the lives of those around me.
I wondered what it would be like to live so freely like the street performers, the musicians, or the artists selling their paintings in Jackson Square. At first, I thought of the simplicity of such a life without the confines of a fast-paced, competitive Northern Virginia lifestyle; but then I caught myself and realized I was making assumptions about just how “free” those around me truly feel. That talented street performer may be working with the hope of earning enough money to pay for an education. That interesting artist painting such soul-filled pieces may be praying that someone buys just two more of their paintings to pay for rent. My train of thought led me to the following question: What makes me feel free?
Of course, this question has no right or wrong answer and seems to change from day to day, but the over-arching question is one I have begun incorporating into my attempt to live more mindfully and in the present moment. I encourage each of you reading this blog to ponder the question: What makes you feel free? Remember there is no right or wrong answer and probably not just one answer to the question. If you strip away all of your day-to-day responsibilities, societal expectations, and ingrained ideas of what success looks like, what do you end up fantasizing about that isn’t part of your current life?
Is it financial freedom? Is it freedom from certain relationships? Is it emotional freedom? Is it the freedom to control more areas of your life? Is it the freedom to travel? Is it the freedom to be just as you are without worrying what others will say or think? As the list goes on and on, a few reminders are that: 1) we have more freedom than we realize through the way we choose to view situations, and 2) many of the areas we feel trapped are often self-imposed rules rather than true societal rules.
How we view situations can completely change how we feel. For example, instead of viewing an early wake-up each morning as a burden, one can change their perspective to gratitude for having a job or an educational opportunity. By reframing how we view situations, we gain more control over how we feel, are able to recognize positives, and experience a higher sense of freedom within our own lives. When it comes to self-imposed rules, we can inadvertently trap ourselves in situations due to high inner-expectations and doing what we think we should do based upon our and others’ expectations. How many times have you remained in a situation because you felt you “should” stick it out? Of course, we all have responsibilities and different lifestyles, but what areas can you adjust so your “shoulds” become wants?
When it came down to the core of what makes me feel free, I realized that, for me, true freedom comes from within, is connected to my thoughts, and can be found, even in moments when I feel trapped, by reframing the situation and recognizing whether I am being held back by my own self-imposed rules. Explore what makes you feel free, what makes your loved ones’ feel free, and remember to take inventory of what matters most to you in this life to help guide you on your path to feeling free.
Mary Kathleen Hill, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist