Most of us are familiar with the age-old question, “Is the glass half-empty or half-full?” We typically consider people to be either optimists (of course the glass is half-full) or pessimists (of course the glass is half-empty), but what if we consider that there may be more than two categories? For example, the realist may respond to the question with, “I can drink it and refill the glass anytime I please;” while the opportunist may cleverly drink the rest of the water in the glass while the others debate over the question.
A new favorite quote of mine is as follows: “The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sail.” (W.A. Ward) In essence, it is the realist that problem-solves in the present moment, thus adjusting their sails, or their plans, accordingly. It is the realist’s acceptance that life changes and their confidence in their own abilities that sets them apart from the pessimist or the optimist as the realist takes control and action versus getting lost in their thoughts and letting life just happen to them.
Happiness is a feeling, a brief, yet enjoyable feeling; however, we have become accustomed to believing that we must be happy most of the time, if not all of the time. The goal of life, of therapy, is to find your place of contentment and recognize that feelings come and go like waves. Contentment is not the same as happiness, as true contentment comes from within by appreciating our strengths and recognizing that we are humans with faults. Contentment is also the ability to accept all the ups and downs of life with the confidence that no matter what life, or your own thoughts, throw your way you have what it takes to learn how to surf those waves of emotion that come and go. Just like surfing in the ocean, learning how to surf emotional ups and downs takes practice. No one is expected to just hop on a surfboard for the first time and ride like a pro-athlete. Learning to surf emotional waves is no different, you learn the basics, you stand-up with pride, you fall down, you get frustrated and think about giving up, but you keep trying, and then all that practice starts to gel together and you catch yourself surfing the emotional waves with grace, buoyancy, and balance. Yet, don’t forget even pro-surfers still fall, but they get right back up, remind themselves of the basics, and learn from their mistakes.
Emotions are emotions, some feel wonderful and some feel down-right terrible, but each and every emotion serves a purpose. The catch is that we must first own our emotions, engage in introspection to better understand what triggered such an emotional response, and take responsibility for how we choose to act upon those emotions. Just like the realist, it is through action, problem-solving, and confidence that we are able to adjust our sails accordingly and continue on our path toward contentment no matter whether the weather is sunny or stormy.
I always considered myself an optimist, but now I classify myself as an optimistic-realist. So, I encourage you to contemplate whether the label of optimist or pessimist that either you gave yourself or someone else placed upon you truly fits who you are in this present moment. There is no right or wrong answer, you can be a mixture, or you can sometimes stand on the side of optimism while other times sit on the side of pessimism. However, the more energy we expend on positive or negative thoughts, not only impacts our view of the world, but also influences the type of experiences we encounter on a daily basis. Remember you, yes YOU, have the ability to take control of the sails of your life and go in any direction that brings you contentment.
Mary Kathleen Hill, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist