Play therapy has long been viewed as an effective and helpful form of child treatment. “Why play?,” is a question I am sometimes asked. The main reason play therapy has proven so useful with children is that they have not yet developed many of the verbal and abstract reasoning skills necessary to articulate their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. It also taps into their natural strengths and curiosities; it can be difficult for adults to remember that for children, toys are their words and play is their language.
Adults often come to their first therapy session somewhat guarded, unsure of what therapy will be, and nervous about what will be asked of them. The same is true of children, but children probably feel even more vulnerable. Play is a wonderful channel with which the therapist can earn a child’s trust and build rapport, move through guardedness in a non-threatening way, and help a child feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible doing the work of therapy. As an assessment tool, it also gives the therapist important clues into the child’s inner and outer life, which can help to understand the child within his/her context and help guide treatment.
But adults need play too! Americans (And I would argue maybe Washingtonians most of all) have a complex and conflicted relationship with play. Yes, we want to play, but we also have a deep and powerful resistance to it. Americans struggle with taking “time off” more than ever before. Sure, we want our vacations, but we also fear them and their consequences; so even our play time is often fraught with anxiety. As you reflect on your goals for yourself or your family, it’s important to remember that we are models for our children, and allowing oneself time to play is just as important to adults’ mental health as it is to children’s.
Here are some ways you can connect with the power of healthy play:
• Get in touch with your inner child. Get silly. Don’t be afraid to sit on the floor, in the grass, in the dirt.
• Laugh. Laughter has great powers to heal, and it’s contagious!
• Let your child guide the play. They’re better at it than you, so try to let them be in charge.
• Be positive. Kids hear “no” way too often, particularly kids with ADHD or other behavioral issues. Remember that praise and positive attention are incredibly motivating for almost all children. When playing, try to monitor and restrict your use of “no.” Unless someone could get hurt or toys will be broken, there is no use for “no” when playing with your kids.
• Value play for yourself, not just your kids. Turn off your cell phone for an afternoon at the park. Enjoy your vacation or that game night with your family. Be as present as possible for the ones you love.
Paige Fegan, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist