As children get older, they often become more reluctant to talk to and listen to their parents, especially as entities outside the home, such as peers and the media, start to exert a stronger influence over them. Whether we like it or not, children learn a lot about life from the media, especially movies and television shows. Rather than fighting or ignoring the power of the media, parents can help children become more active consumers of what they watch. Further, children and adolescents can have trouble talking openly and directly about difficult topics, such as peer relationships, loss, mood problems, and/or self-esteem. However, if you listen carefully, they often inadvertently talk about their life or struggles they are experiencing by referencing characters or plots they have seen. This is because it can be much less threatening to talk about difficult topics that fictional characters are experiencing than to talk about one’s own life. Thus, movies and television shows can be a perfect common ground for starting productive discussions with children.
One way to use movies and television as a family communication tool is to ask a few thought-provoking questions after watching a show or movie together and/or as your child shares information about something he/she watched. Through movies and television shows, children can: consider positive and negative lessons they learned; see how an individual handles and copes with situations; learn things to do and not to do; and feel less alone in what they are facing/experiencing. Questions you can ask your child to encourage thoughtful processing may include:
How did the movie/show make you feel?
Do you identify with a specific character?
Did it remind you of anything that has happened to you?
What did you think about what “x” character did/felt/etc.?
Is there anything you admired about any of the characters?
If it had a message for you, what was it?
Rather than just passively taking in what they watch, this kind of questioning encourages children to more actively analyze what they are being exposed to.
In addition to helping your children process media they have already seen, you also can pick out specific movies or shows that have a message you want your children to hear. Examples of movies and different themes include “Lion King” for fears or loss, “Seabiscuit” for self-esteem and determination, “Sixteen Candles” for peer relationships, and “Karate Kid” for emphasizing the power of a mentor. Even specific episodes of common television shows, such as “The Berenstain Bears” going to school for the first time or “Hannah Montana” demonstrating that nobody is perfect, can be used to support messages you are trying to teach your child. There is no “right” or “wrong” movie or show to use; what matters most is that you pick topics and themes with which your children can connect and that you approach the conversation in a nonjudgmental, open way. In most cases, because of the non-threatening manner in which the issues are brought up, conversations about shows and movies will serve as a springboard for further conversations, and ultimately a closer relationship, with your child.
Kelly H. Theis, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist