You read all the pregnancy books, the breastfeeding books, the guides to the first year of your child’s life, but none of them exactly prepared you for how it would feel to be a new mom. Along with the enormous sense of love for your baby and the awe of how this tiny little person can be so spectacular, you may also experience thoughts and feelings that you didn’t really expect. Many moms feel guilty for some of these feelings, and it’s important to recognize that you’re not the only one who thinks and feels this way.
Many new moms have moments of feeling that they have been reduced to nothing more than a baby-feeding and diaper-changing machine. They experience a loss of identity as they get absorbed by this new role. Being home with the new baby—either on maternity leave or indefinitely if you’re not going back to work—can feel very isolating at times. Furthermore, women who considered themselves very efficient, organized, and task-oriented in the pre-baby days often discover that they lose track of time, can’t keep the house clean, can’t even manage to shower regularly in the weeks and months following childbirth. In a nutshell, having a baby really does change everything.
It is important that new moms give themselves permission to feel the emotions that come up. This is easier to do if you have other people to talk to who are in the same boat. Consider joining a new moms group or doing a mother’s day out program. If you are not interested in formal group settings, then get to know your neighbors better by taking baby for a stroll around the block and stopping to talk to people. It’s also important that new moms have reasonable expectation for themselves. You are most likely not Superwoman, and you will have to let a few things go. Be willing to ask for help when you need it. Communicate openly with you spouse about how you are feeling.
Of course, anxiety and depression following childbirth can reach a clinically significant level, and if that is the case you should talk with your doctor about treatment. If you find that you are feeling depressed and extremely overwhelmed more days than not, if you are having thoughts of suicide, or if you are having thoughts of harming your baby, you should talk with your doctor immediately about treatment. Treatment for Post-Partum Depression can include both medication and psychotherapy. No matter what the degree of post-baby stress you’re under, you have the right to seek the support you need…you’ve earned it!
Melissa K. Hunt, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist
FamilyFirst Psychological Services