Now that summer is here, many of our children will be heading off to camp. Some will be attending overnight or “sleep away” camps for the very first time. While some children anticipate camp with eagerness and excitement, others evidence a range of negative emotions, including nervousness, fear, sadness and/or anger. Your child may be particularly likely to feel negatively about camp if he/she has had difficulty managing other separations in the past (e.g. spending the night at a friend’s), tends to be temperamentally anxious or shy, has negative expectations about the camp experience, and/or feels that he/she did not have any control over choosing the camp.
As you prepare your child to attend an overnight camp, there are several ways that you can increase his/her level of comfort and help to ensure that your child ultimately has a positive camp experience. Here are a few suggestions along those lines:
Talk with your child about his/her feelings about going to camp. If he/she has negative feelings, allowing those feelings to be expressed may in itself help improve your child’s outlook. Don’t try to talk your child out of his/her negative feelings, but instead just try to listen and accept them. Normalizing worries about homesickness or making new friends can also help, as long as you don’t try to dismiss the feelings at the same time.
Brainstorm about ways that your child can help him or herself feel better if negative feelings come up while at camp. Journaling and/or letter writing, talking to a friend or camp counselor and/or engaging in a fun activity can help to alleviate negative feelings and help your child to enjoy the camp experience. It might help to have your child make a list of coping strategies that he/she can use “just in case.”
Create and/or use successful past experiences as a way to build confidence. If your child has successfully managed other, similar challenges in the past, remind him/her of those successes and how he/she coped previously. If necessary, practice separations before camp and talk with your child about how they go. Express confidence that your child has the competence to meet this new challenge.
Find ways to involve your child in the planning process. If the camp is already planned, allow your child to make choices about what clothes to bring and what favorite items from home will accompany them. If there are special items that need to be purchased for the camp, allow him/her to accompany you on the shopping trip and to help decide on the purchases.
Be sure that your child knows what to expect from camp. Talk about how your child will get to camp, what will happen while he/she is there, and how long he/she will stay. Look over the camp information together, so that your child knows what will be expected of him or her and what types of activities he/she is likely to be doing.
Consider reading a book about going to camp with your child. Appropriate for younger elementary school age children are: Pinky and Rex Go to Camp by J. Howe and The Night Before Summer Camp by N. Wing. Appropriate for older elementary school age children is The Summer Camp Survival Guide by C. Pallatto and others.
Help your child find ways to feel connected with you, even while apart. Talk with your child how and how often you will be able to communicate with him/her while he/she is at camp. Having a plan about this process ahead of time can help your child feel more secure in staying connected with you while he/she is away. (Be sure to check with the camp regarding their policies on communication, so that you can plan accordingly). Consider sending a care package or letter to arrive on the first day, and/or writing notes that your child can open each day.
Don’t feel guilty about encouraging your child to stay at camp. For many children, camp is a first step toward independence and plays an important role in their growth and development. For most children, negative feelings about camp do not persist after the first day or two. Successfully managing this rite of passage can help children to build confidence in themselves and in their ability to manage on their own, which in turn will help them to develop the competence and autonomy they will need to face other challenges ahead.
Kathleen Boykin McElhaney, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist