Sometimes families are affected by an event or experience so traumatic that it seems to reshape the fabric of who they are and how they function as a family unit. Even when a traumatic experience happens to only one member of the family, its effects can be felt throughout the family system. When the individual who suffered the trauma is a child, the symptoms associated with the experience can leave his or her parents feeling helpless and bewildered. Knowing that there are experts available who understand how to treat psychological trauma in children and adults can sometimes provide a lifeline to families who feel as if they are drowning in it.
Whether the experience is related to a sudden loss of a loved one, being involved in a car accident, experiencing a house fire, witnessing a frightening event, or being physically violated in some way, traumatized individuals often have similar types of symptoms. These can include a change in mood, feeling jumpy or hypervigilant, difficulty sleeping, and having nightmares or flashbacks. Sometimes traumatized children may become more aggressive as a means of communicating their distress.
Many people who have been through traumatic life experiences have intrusive or unwelcome memories about the events. These bad memories are a way of reliving or re-experiencing in their minds what happened before in real life. Sometimes the bad memories make the person feel like he or she is right back in the moment when the traumatic event happened. This can include bringing back feelings that he or she had in that moment. When the memories come, it is important for the individual to remember that he or she is not having the experience again for real. It is also important for the individual to remember that the memories cannot cause him or her harm. A strategy called “grounding” is useful to help the individual to remember that he or she is in the here-and-now, not in the time when the horrible thing happened. Some grounding techniques include:
(1) Saying out loud “You’re only a memory. You’re not really happening.”
(2) Holding or touching an object that helps you feel safe, comforted, or happy,
(3) Telling someone you trust that you are having the memories, and letting them help to ground you by holding your hand, rubbing your back, talking to you about something else, or doing an activity with you.
While experiencing traumatic events can be life changing for individuals and families, it is important for those going through it to know that help really is available. It’s also true that sometimes enduring such great difficulties can foster self-reflection and growth, enabling families to become stronger and closer.
Melissa Hunt, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist